Ex's

There always seems to be drama when you have an exwife/exhusband and you have kids with that person.  You say no to something and the other parent goes and gets what you don't want them to have.  Take bikinis for instance.....we told Alyssa no bikini and I found a bikini in her drawer today that apparently her mother got for her to wear at Disney.  I feel she is too young and I am over protective.  You tell them no cell phone until their grades improve and the other parent gives it to them to use while they are at their house.  What is it exactly?  Is it that her mother wants to give her everything we won't so she will want to go back and live there?  Is it that her mother is afraid if she doesn't give her everything she wants she won't want to see her mother anymore?  At 12 years old she knows how to get exactly what she wants from her mother.  She is losing that ability with us though.  After all the back and forth over something as simple as transportation we are  done with all the trips to moms.  She is only supposed to go once a month and that is what it will be.  I am not sure if this will help but between that and only twice a week phone calls I think we will be able to make some progress with Alyssa. I would like her to not want to wear the mini skirts I found in her drawers, and the bikini I found (yes I was snooping!!)  I also know that at 12 I was wanting to wear those things.  I also know that at 14 my sister was pregnant and I was sexually active at the time.  Looking back hind sight is 20/20 and I can see how horrible that could have turned out.  At 12 and 14 you think you are invincible....It happened to that girl/my sister and there is just no way it will happen to me.  I can control Beau's environment and even Kyrsten's but there are times that Alyssa has to go to her mother's.  Her mother who has always had all these boyfriends that she parades through the house and the children hear her in the bedroom with them.  Her mother who thinks that a bikini, low cut and short dresses, and boyfriends are all things that Alyssa should have at this age!!!!  The counselor said "You can only control what happens in your house"  Well she is right but what happens when what happens at her mother's house impacts us?  What happens if she comes home pregnant or raped?  I am ranting and raving here because I have no other outlet to voice my concerns at this point!