Ex's

There always seems to be drama when you have an exwife/exhusband and you have kids with that person.  You say no to something and the other parent goes and gets what you don't want them to have.  Take bikinis for instance.....we told Alyssa no bikini and I found a bikini in her drawer today that apparently her mother got for her to wear at Disney.  I feel she is too young and I am over protective.  You tell them no cell phone until their grades improve and the other parent gives it to them to use while they are at their house.  What is it exactly?  Is it that her mother wants to give her everything we won't so she will want to go back and live there?  Is it that her mother is afraid if she doesn't give her everything she wants she won't want to see her mother anymore?  At 12 years old she knows how to get exactly what she wants from her mother.  She is losing that ability with us though.  After all the back and forth over something as simple as transportation we are  done with all the trips to moms.  She is only supposed to go once a month and that is what it will be.  I am not sure if this will help but between that and only twice a week phone calls I think we will be able to make some progress with Alyssa. I would like her to not want to wear the mini skirts I found in her drawers, and the bikini I found (yes I was snooping!!)  I also know that at 12 I was wanting to wear those things.  I also know that at 14 my sister was pregnant and I was sexually active at the time.  Looking back hind sight is 20/20 and I can see how horrible that could have turned out.  At 12 and 14 you think you are invincible....It happened to that girl/my sister and there is just no way it will happen to me.  I can control Beau's environment and even Kyrsten's but there are times that Alyssa has to go to her mother's.  Her mother who has always had all these boyfriends that she parades through the house and the children hear her in the bedroom with them.  Her mother who thinks that a bikini, low cut and short dresses, and boyfriends are all things that Alyssa should have at this age!!!!  The counselor said "You can only control what happens in your house"  Well she is right but what happens when what happens at her mother's house impacts us?  What happens if she comes home pregnant or raped?  I am ranting and raving here because I have no other outlet to voice my concerns at this point! 

Beach visit and Umbrellas

We went to Panama City Beach over last weekend and I got to take some really good pictures.  While we were there we got to walk along the very windy beach at St. Andrews State Park.  The kids got to climb on the jetties and I got some much needed salt air.  I miss the salt air here in Tallahassee.  I am really looking forward to spring break when I can get several days on or at least near the beach.  Maybe the kids will at least get to put their feet in the water!  I can't wait to see how Connor is going to react to the cold water on his little baby toes.  I am also looking forward to being able to take more pictures.  I really enjoyed wandering around with my camera and wish I was able to take more pictures.  I strained the back of my knee a couple days before the visit and was not able to walk as much as I would have liked.  

Kyrsten had so much fun on the beach on Saturday and when we got home it was too late to do much of anything except go to bed!  Sunday was filled with trying to get rid of some of the clutter in her room.  We filled up two large trashbags with trash, on large trash bag of clothes and one small bag of toys that could be given away or sold.  I still have more work to do as under her bed looks like an explosion of toys and trash!  On Sunday afternoon I went into the bathroom to give Connor a bath and I found Kyrsten's umbrella in the shower!  Well I couldn't help but to start laughing.  I brought the dripping wet umbrella out and asked her why it was in the shower.  She said "because it rains in the shower I thought I should bring the umbrella in."  How cute is that?  I couldn't believe the simplicity of her statement!  I mean of course it rains in the shower, duh!  You know sometimes you get so frustrated with the way your kids do things or bicker with one another and then they do something so cute you just roll with laughter.  Thank goodness they have a wonderful sense of humor! 

I really enjoyed my visit with Mom and Ed.  Being around family and getting to show them all the little things the kids are doing is great.  Connor is giving kisses to people now if they ask, Kyrsten is getting very sarcastic and of course Beau and Alyssa are just teenagers!!  There never seems to be enough time though!   While I was there Ed made sure to give me the sugar bowl that matches the plates and bowls they gave me a few weeks ago.  I have not had a sugar bowl in ages.  I didn't realize how much I missed one until I got it home and filled it up.  It looks so pretty next to my new coffee canister on the counter!  I use a different kind of sugar in my coffee and it was really hard to get that package open in the mornings and get my spoon all the way down inside.  Now I just open my little sugar bowl and I can see how much I am getting, no more guessing how full the spoon is!  The little things are very much appreciated! 

Ponderings

I have been thinking about some things lately pertaining to religion.  You know I was having a conversation wtih one of my friends that I used to work with telling her some things that my husband was doing at the time.  Her first thought was "Satan is in your house".  What prompted her to say this was that I had mentioned he was reading books about buddhism.  Now if you think about it......Buddhism has been around for around 2500 years, Christianity only about 2007.  Why do Christians believe everyone has to be "converted to christianity" or they are going to Hell?  I am not sure I understand that part.  I was raised Methodist, so don't get me wrong, I am not saying I don't believe in God.  I do believe in a higher power of sorts, I am just saying that one's understanding of other religions should be broader.  Now how can someone say that only one way is right?  We all believe in higher powers I think.  To sit and say there is only ONE way to believe is preposterous.  I mean we are all individuals and no matter where you look, in which religion, it does not say that we are not allowed to think for ourselves.  So why would a "Christian" say something of the sort because someone else was looking into a different religion?  I am not sure I understand, if they are still looking towards enlightenment, looking towards improving themselves, still believe there is higher power why does it have to be that Satan has moved in?

Since I am discussing heavy topics today....I read in the news the other day about a dad that left his infant child in the car after taking her to a doctor's appointment.  The article said that he had picked her up from day care and taken her to the doctor.  The appointment ran long and he rushed back to work.  After work he came to get in his car and found his baby, dead.  Ok how on earth could he leave the baby doctor and not take the baby back to daycare.  I am confused on this one.  I couldn't even begin to imagine not remembering my little one was in the car with me.  I mean you put him in, you then get him out before you go anywhere.  How difficult is that?  Why did this guy head back to work from the pediatrician's office?  He knew where he was leaving he should have headed for the day care.  What about when he got to work and was leaving his car?  Did he not look in his rear view mirror at all on the way and see his baby looking back at him?  There are so many questions I have.  I can't imagine what this poor mother is going through knowing her husband killed their child because of his own stupidity.  I know that people get distracted but you are talking about being responsible for another human life.  If you can't focus long enough to ensure your child's safety then you shouldn't be a parent or at least let the mother take care of the child!!!!  Maybe tomorrow's post will be on the lighter side of things!

Rain and belly laughs

This morning I was walking up to the front door to say goodbye to the kids and I could smell the rain in the air.  It was cool and crisp outside and it had just rained.  It was almost a clean smell, not like in the summer time when it is so muggy outside you can't enjoy the smell.  I lived in California for several years and I didn't even realize I had missed that smell until we were driving back across the country and it was getting ready to rain in one of the states we were driving through.  That to me is just a wonderful smell. There are some things that remind me of my childhood and the smell of rain is one of them.  The other is having my windows open and having the fresh air come in, the breeze it brings with it.  Now living in Tallahasee you don't have the smell of the salt air like in Panama City Beach but the freshness of the air is the same.  It reminds me of when I had finally gotten my room clean (not very often this happened) and I would lay on my day bed with the window open and feel the breeze come in while I was reading.  Somehow that always made me feel content.  Odd how some things stick out and others just fade away. 

Today Connor laughed his first real big belly laugh!!  I was tickling his sides and under his arms like I do quite frequently and he just started giggling, then squealing, and then it came out like a bubbling brook, just little rolls of laughter.  He was laughing and I was laughing.  It was the cutest thing I have ever heard.  I am hoping I can get it on video or recorded somehow.  There are always those little things that your kids do that you want to remember, the things they say, or the way they look when they do a particular thing and you think that is something you could never forget.  Then life happens and 14 years later you look back and try to remember what some of the things were, it is why I want to cherish every moment with Connor, he helps me to remember the little things with Beau and Kyrsten too. 

Beau saw me yesterday writing a note on a napkin to put in Kyrsten's lunchbox for school and he said "hey I remember when you used to do that for me when we were in North Carolina".  I miss him being little and being able to play with him.  We used to go outside with the soccer ball and kick it around together.  I also used to go to Cub Scouts with him.  I wonder what happened to where I stopped doing all of those things with him.  Maybe it has something to do with the support system I had up there.  All the military wives stuck together and we did things with each other.  The military husbands would also help out the ladies whose husbands were away.  It was like an extended family of sorts.  I still don't know most of my neighbors here!  There are somethings I miss about being on a military base like the shopping and the instant friends you have!!  Seems like another lifetime now and other times it feels like yesterday.  Somehow I need to find the person I was when I moved down here, I was confident, more outgoing and willing to do anything and go anywhere for my kids.  I need to push beyond everything else going on and be willing to do for them like I used to.  They were much happier when I used to do that!  Sounds like I have some work to do!!

Sick baby, oh my!!

It has been several days since my last post.  When you have a sick baby anything you want to do gets pushed aside so that you can take care of your little one.  Connor had been running a low grade fever since last Sunday afternoon and finally when it got even higher Wednesday afternoon I decided it was time for him to go to the doctor.  He was not wanting to eat for long periods of time and only wanted mommy to hold him so I knew something was going on.  He was diagnosed with an ear infection in both ears.  This is the second infection he has had so far so I was a bit worried.  The doctor gave him some strong antibiotics and he is doing a little better but it is really taking a lot out of him and his mommy!  He is still preferring mommy to anyone else and won't eat for extended times.  He snacks more so than anything else which makes it hard to do anything but sit with him!  I have found that writing my blog gives me some sense of accomplishment even if it is the only thing I get done all day.  I am sure my subject matter will change as I get more adept at typing up blogs.  I know that I have so many ideas running around in my head and by the time I sit down to type I have to pick a few and then move on!  For now I will tell you how the past couple of days have been. 

Yesterday was spent going to church with Hugh's family because his nephew, Tristan, was getting baptised.  It was a very boring service that thankfully Connor slept through.  I am glad that is not the church we attend because the pastor there does not know how to captivate an audience.  We then went out to eat with everyone at Red Lobster.  You never realize what well behaved kids you really do have until you go out to eat with other people's kids.  Thank goodness we only do that like maybe once a year.  I could not believe how loud the kids were and how inapproapriately they behaved and they are 5, 9 and 15!! 

Today so far has been a pretty frustrating day.  I came out like I usually do and decided to do my walking first thing, thank goodness.  When I tried to get on the computer to do my blogging the computer wouldn't start up so I then decided to grab Beau's laptop and use it.  After waiting 40 minutes for it to start up and actually load internet explorer I tried to type in the window and it took me ten minutes to write one paragraph on an instant messenger!  At that point Connor was hungry again so I fed him and then came back to Hugh's computer he leaves here. While waiting for his computer to do its thing I turned the home computer back on and thought I would be able to use it.  As soon as I got email pulled up it froze again.  So now I am using Hugh's computer until we can get the home one usable again.  That of course will likely take money to buy new parts!  Maybe today will get better!  Who knows it is still before lunch and I am hopefull!!

Kids and books

I can't believe it is March already! Connor has a check-up on the 19th and he will be 6 months old. It just doesn't seem possible. Why is he growing up faster than Beau or Kyrsten did?  Is it because he is my last little one?  He is changing every day it seems. Right now he is very, very interested in the dog. If the dog is anywhere where Connor can see him everything else might as well not exist. He stares at the dog intensely and last night he was laughing and talking to him. The dog wasn't doing anything but laying on his pillow but Connor thought that was funny!


Speaking of funny things kids come up with.....Kyrsten came home yesterday and said she wanted a new life! She said that all she does is eat, sleep and work everyday. She said she only gets like a few minutes to watch television and that is it. I am not sure what kind of life she is supposed to have at seven years old and she didn't elaborate on that part of course, just that her life was boring. I don't know what she is going to do when she grows up and realizes that you only have to eat, sleep and work everyday when you are grown up too!

After my post yesterday I went searching for a website that would help me with my book writing idea.  I was looking for something that would put the thoughts and ideas I had into a book format.  You can find almost anything on the internet!  I found a site that has thousands of books that just regular people have written.  They also have a free program that helps you to build your book.  People make their books for free, publish them to the website and then direct people to the website to purchase them. They really aren't priced much differently than the ones you can find in the book store.  While browsing the site I found that there are books about babies first years, there are photo books, honestly almost anything you can think of, even children's books. It would be a way for me to see the book in print and determine if I want to try and get it published.  I even had an idea last night for a children's book that taught kids something about asthma. It is something that we have dealt with over the years with Beau and I know that children ask a lot of questions about conditions like that especially if they are not the ones with the problem.  It would require research to see if anyone has written a book about it and to make sure I got the proper information to put in it, but I think it is a pretty good idea. I will have to start making some time to work on it each day.

Rainy day pondering

It is a rainy day today which always makes me feel drowsy.  I wish the weather would just warm up a little and be nice so I can go on my walks with Connor!  I know he enjoys getting outside and it gives us a break from the house for a little while at least.  I think he is feeling better today, he is not sleeping all day (:(  poor me! )  and he is wanting to eat constantly again so I think that is a good thing.  He is always so smiley and happy when he sees me that no matter what kind mood I am in when I walk into the room he makes it all melts away! 

I am thinking more and more about writing and how much I enjoy typing and basically talking about things in print. I would like to find a way to expand my thoughts some and start writing maybe some short stories.  If only I could remember all the stories Daddy used to tell me I could get them all down.  It has been several years since he passed away and so much has happened since then that I can't remember all the things he used to tell us girls over and over.  That would have been a funny book!  Maybe I can draw on those memories from when I was little and write some totally fictional stories using the memories as the base of them.  I would like to start doing something more than just the picture taking.  I would also like to start to do something in the community, like volunteer or help somehow but with a nursing infant I am not sure how I am going to do that.  Maybe just creating some stories and seeing if I can get them published somehow will help me feel like I am doing something.  I could even do childrens books although I wouldn't know where to begin with the illustrations.  Well just beginning would be good and the rest will work itself out.  I always have so many things I would love to do and nothing seems to get done!  I wanted to start making some baby slings too.  I found a website that has free patterns and I just love the sling I have so much.  Hugh loves it too and wanted me to see if I could make one that would fit him since Connor won't hardly stand to be put in the carrier we have for him.  That would be something I could focus on too that might earn some extra money!

Speaking of money......Hugh ordered his planning pages from the Tony Robbins company and in the box with them came a financial freedom dvd and cd.  I know he has been worried constantly about finances with us becoming a one income family.  We did get the shower to stop leaking and didn't have to call a plumber!  That is a good thing because plumbers are expensive!  It just seems that when you start having problems with money it seems to pile up really quick.  I found out last night that our crockpot, that we use frequently, has a crack all the way down the side and a chip gone from the inside of it.  It is not usable at this point.  One more thing to go and replace!  I know that now that Hugh has the dvd from Tony Robbins he is wanting me to watch it so that we are on the same page so to speak.  I know something has to give!  I know it will all work itself somehow. He is talking about finding a new job as well.  Who knows maybe he will find a wonderful one and we will not have to worry anymore! 

Blogging

Yesterday was a very busy day for me and I didn't get the chance to post anything. It seems that the mornings are the best time for me to get something down. As the day goes on my brain cells seem to go on vacation! I actually wound up only getting the shopping accomplished as Connor was not feeling well. I think his teeth are beginning to bother him more and more as they work their way up. I spent most of the day sitting with him in the rocking chair trying to coax him to eat and calming him down as he screamed most of the time he wasn't asleep.



While I was vegging with him I saw an advertisement for a new show, I think it was on TLC and it was about some Super Mom Blogger or something like that. It seems she blogged a lot or something and now she is getting her own show? I was kind of watching and kind of trying to doze at the same time so only half caught what is was. I really didn't realize how prevalent blogging had become. I guess people that have crazy lives have a lot to write about. I wish I would have had the knowledge of blogging when we were going through all our crazy stuff with Hugh's children and ex-wife. Boy that would have had some followers! I sometimes can't believe some of the stuff I went through when I first moved here. I had been warned by Hugh that his children were high maintenance but you never quite believe what you are told. I am lucky in that my children are fairly well behaved and always have been. So imagine the shock when I started seeing exactly how awful the children would behave just for some attention. I mean I had an eight year old little girl (Alyssa) crawling on the floor wailing at eight at night because she wanted her daddy to come home from his business trip immediately! Then there was the day that Tyler totally destroyed his bedroom throwing his mattress across the room. Then he proceeded to climb in his laundry basket all because I asked him to go sit in his room for time out because he misbehaved in the grocery store! Not a fun thing to go through as at nine years old he was almost as big as I was at the time. All antics were ignored as much as possible mind you unless they interrupted the schedule of the normal children. I just can't believe how far we have come as a family unit and we are still intact! There are still issues that need to be dealt with like the disrespect from the bigger kids but they ARE teenagers and that is I guess to be expected!


I mean, blogging so much that you get your own television show, does she have a life that is that interesting or is she just good at writing things? Some people can write about celebrities or local events, almost anything and make it sound interesting. I wish I could be that type of person! Then I could write books! Speaking of books.....there was a commercial for a talk show and they were going to have a romance novelist on their show, I don't remember which writer. She had nine children and had written several hundred books over the course of raising those nine children. How in the world do you write hundreds of steamy romance books with nine kids looking over your shoulder? She must be very good at what she does. Maybe I can start looking at writing something besides just a blog! That would be the day!!